


When you can't trust your own mind

by canicallyoumaddie



Series: Our Story: A Domestic Klance AU [18]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst followed with Fluff, Domestic klance, Don't worry, Established Relationship, Everything turns out OK, Fluff, Keith is fine, M/M, Married Klance, Vivid depictions of anxiety, trigger warning, tw anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-15 23:48:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11816769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canicallyoumaddie/pseuds/canicallyoumaddie
Summary: Having just pulled into the parking lot, Keith starts to experience an anxiety attack.TW: anxiety attack/OCD-related anxiety





	When you can't trust your own mind

**Author's Note:**

> HI. So I wrote this literally while I was in the middle of experiencing an anxiety attack, so expect a very vivid description of what I feel when that happens as projected onto Keith. I've said it a lot of times in like all the descriptions, but this has a really high chance of being triggering so please PLEASE keep that in mind. 
> 
> If you'd like to read just the aftermath and the fluffy ending, you can start where Lance's name is bolded. Keep in mind, there are still mentions of the anxiety, but it is not nearly as vivid as the beginning.

Keith sat in his car, knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel. He was sitting in his apartment’s parking lot with the car off, frowning and staring straight ahead. He knew that Lance would be wondering where he was, but...he just couldn't bring himself to go inside.

 

 _Stop,_ He thought angrily. _You know you locked the door. You saw your key turn in the lock, and you shook the knob to make sure. Remember? You did that._ He tried to recall the muscle memory; the feeling of turning the key...the cool metal in his hand as he locked the door. _But what if you’re imagining that? Or remembering what you did yesterday?_

 

“STOP!” Keith yelled, slamming his hands on the steering wheel. “Just _stop_! I don’t need this right now! I thought this had stopped!” His heart was racing and he felt tears begin to well up in his eyes. Resting his forehead on his hands, he tried to take deep breaths to calm down, but all he felt was pressure—like the air was leaving the car, robbing him of the oxygen he desperately needed.

 

Taking gulps of air, he shuddered involuntarily as if to shake off the feeling. _I haven’t had one this bad in so_ long! _Why now??_ He thought. That paranoia, that feeling of invisible hands grabbing at him...it caught him in a feedback loop and he couldn’t get out. His hands were shaking as he pulled out his phone, but he could barely see. It was like the world had begun to vibrate around him—white noise filling his ears like cotton; eyes open, but seeing nothing. He threw the phone in the passenger seat and returned his forehead to the steering wheel, trying to focus on his breathing. Slowly, the tunnel began to widen, and light filled his field of vision again.

 

 _I have to go back and check,_ he thought, eyes darting back and forth, _I’ve_ got _to._ Reaching over to grab his phone, he quickly typed in his passcode with shaking fingers and opened the messaging app.

 

** <Lance McClain-Kogane(ICE)> **

****

< _hey, i have to go back up to school_

> wait, i just saw your car pull up, what’s wrong? did you leave something?

< _no, i...i just have to go back._

> are you..okay?

< _nope. i’ll be home soon, i’m really sorry._

 _>_ wait, let me come with you

< _no, it’s fine, you dont have to do that. i’ll be back soon._

> Keith. Let me come with you

< _..._

>I’m coming.

 

Keith put his head in his hands as he waited for Lance to exit the apartment, bounding down the steps. The car door opened quickly, and Lance deposited himself in the passenger seat.

 

“Hey, you okay?” He asked. Keith could tell he was scrutinizing every detail in his expression, so he said nothing. “You’re not okay.”

 

Keith sighed heavily and refused to look up. “I’m not okay.” He let his head fall forward to rest against the steering wheel again.

 

Lance paused, silence weighing on both of them, as he waited for Keith to explain further. It was much appreciated.

 

“I thought they’d stopped,” Keith said, leaning his head back and dragging a hand down the length of his face. “I really did. I was doing so well—the therapy was working, I was able to logic myself out of these situations, but...I dunno, today was really bad.”

 

“Tell me what happened,” Lance prompted, gently.

 

“I was leaving the building today, late—probably the last one to leave in my wing—and I remember locking the door but…” Keith replaced his hand and groaned.

 

“You don’t trust yourself,” Lance finished for him.

 

“I don’t trust myself,” Keith repeated. “If I can’t trust my own mind, what do I do? So that...well, it made me remember my last one and…”

 

Lance nodded, maintaining his distance and waiting for Keith to come to him. Keith closed his eyes and breathed deeply, in through his nose and out through his mouth. “I got caught in a feedback loop. I kept triggering myself unintentionally. I…” Keith swallowed hard, mouth suddenly dry. “I couldn’t get out. So I was going to go back and check.”

 

“Do you still need to go?” Lance asked, and Keith reached over to thread his fingers through Lance’s.

 

“I want to. God, I want to go and check so _bad,_ ” he replied, feeling a sob well up in his chest. “I didn’t ask for this.”

 

“I know,” Lance said. “I know you didn’t. It’s going to be okay.” He brought their intertwined hands to his lips and gently kissed the back of Keith’s hand. “We can go up to the school, or we can go inside. Your call.”

 

Keith’s chest heaved with a watery sigh. “Let’s go inside. They’ve probably locked the school up anyway.”

 

Lance relinquished Keith’s hand, albeit reluctantly, in favor of going around to open his door for him. Keith allowed Lance to help him out of the car, but insisted on carrying his own belongings; ”I’m fine, Lance, I can carry a briefcase—I’m not an invalid.”

 

“I know,” Lance replied, “You are perfectly capable. I didn’t offer because I thought you couldn’t—I offered because I wanted to help.” Keith saw him wilt and felt a pang of guilt.

 

Keith had successfully wrestled off his shoes at the door, but his shoulders sagged at Lance’s response. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s _okay_ , Keith. I just wanted you to know,” Lance said. He opened his arms, and Keith fell willingly into them.

 

“Thank you,” Keith whispered, clutching at Lance’s shirt. “I...I…”

 

“Look, sweetheart, I _know_. You’re not the only one,” Lance said, rubbing circles into Keith’s back. “Everything is fine. Do you need anything?”

 

Keith shook his head and loosened his grip, leaning into the kiss Lance pressed into his forehead. “I think it passed.” _For now._ A soft meow diverted his attention, and he looked down and smiled. “Hey, kitty.” He reached down to scoop up the cat and kiss his nose. He looked up and couldn’t help but chuckle at Lance, who was saw sporting an expectant and slightly envious expression. “Do you want one, too?” He asked, smiling up at him.

 

“Yes please,” Lance replied with a grin. Keith leaned up to give him a soft kiss on the lips, which was enthusiastically returned. When they parted, Keith couldn’t help but grin at the dreamy look on Lance’s face.

 

“You okay, there? Still with me?” He asked, giving the cat one last kiss before releasing it back into the apartment. He barely had time to follow up the thought before the wind was knocked out of him with a hug.

 

“Yes. I’m glad that you’re okay, too,” Lance replied, tangling his fingers in Keith’s hair. His eyes softened, and he asked, “You know you never have to go through that alone, right?”

 

Keith nodded, eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Thank you.”

 

“Aw, no, don’t cry! It’s fine! Everything’s okay now!” Lance said, brushing away the tears that threatened to roll down Keith’s face. “We can cuddle, if you want—we can even watch Ghost Hunters!”

 

A watery laugh burst from Keith’s lips at the attempted bribery, and he felt the springs that were wound so tightly just moments before start to unwind. “Okay, okay. I _guess_ we can cuddle and watch my favorite TV show,” he replied, reaching down to take Lance’s hand. Before crossing the room to sit on the couch, though, he gave Lance a brief kiss on the cheek. “I love you, you goob. You’re greatly appreciated.”

 

Lance beamed and squeezed Keith’s hand in his. “I love you, too.” He smirked and draped himself over Keith’s lap, making him laugh. The tension that had filled Keith’s body left almost as quickly as it had arrived, and the couple settled in for a quiet evening with the TV, their cat, and each other.

**Author's Note:**

> If you've braved the fic, thank you for reading! If you came and realized it wasn't your cup of tea, thank you for visiting anyway! Honestly. I know that angst fics like these are not everyone's thing. I have my own triggers, and I take them super seriously.   
> \----  
> More A/N, if you care to read:  
> I have (in addition to the plethora of other things) some compulsion-driven anxiety, and I had an anxiety attack that was pretty similar to this recently. (different circumstances, obv.) If you've read a lot of my fics by now, writing is basically part of my DBT therapy at this point, and this fic especially helped me calm down after said anxiety attack. I know that it's kind of a trend to give both Keith and Lance anxiety in fanon (and honestly like let's be real who wouldn't have it after being forced into that whole thing), but in this particular au I wanted to make a distinction between the kinds of anxiety Lance and Keith experience. In this instance, Keith has elements of OCD and anxiety that stems from that. I don't know if you'll see more of this, but we'll see! I also don't know if you guys will be mad at me for adding angst into this fluffy sense of security I've lulled you into by now ;>   
> \----  
> Tl;dr---->ANYWAY, thank you so so much for reading--you guys are amazing leaving kudos and comments; honestly I read every comment and try to reply, and I love getting feedback from y'all. <3 thank you.


End file.
